


I Am Not a Fish!

by glittergrenade



Category: Namor the Sub-Mariner (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Namor in a fish tank, Scientist Fantomex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-08
Updated: 2015-05-08
Packaged: 2018-03-29 15:27:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3901372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittergrenade/pseuds/glittergrenade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who ever thought it would be a good idea to study the Sub-Mariner for science?!</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Not a Fish!

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this forrrrreverrrrr ago! And now I'm uploading it here, cuz... yeah, haha.

Dr. Smith gazed at the the specimen floating unconscious in the fish tank, his heart pounding with immense fascination. He had never expected to procure such a fine creature, and was more than excited to observe its behavior in captivity. The tranquilizer should be wearing off soon.

Presently there was a knock on the door, and his lab partner Dr. Brown burst in, her face buried in some papers. "So Smith, are you any closer to achieving these lofty goals of yours?" she asked, not looking up at him.

"See for yourself, Brown," he replied, waving his arm with a proud smile.

She looked up at him in confusion, then her gaze followed his pointing finger. Her eyes widened, her papers fell to the floor, and a short burst of cuss words issued from her mouth.

Dr. Smith frowned. "What?"

"You never told me you wanted to study an Atlantean!" she screamed.

"I wanted you to be surprised." Dr. Smith was a little hurt. "I told you I desired to observe in captivity a creature far more exotic than we ever have before."

"I thought you meant a monster from the Savage Land, or something!" Dr. Brown cried. "Atlantis is a formidable nation. And for goodness sake, if you were going to get one of them, you didn't have to grab the Sub-Mariner! He's the king! They'll do anything to get him back!"

"Relax!" Dr. Smith protested. "He was wandering in the forest near the beach, across Long Island. Nobody saw my men capture him, and nobody followed them here. This will never be traced to us!"

"Of course not," Dr. Brown moaned, "until he escapes and tells his people to come attack us."

"That won't happen," Dr. Smith persisted.

"So you're never letting him go?" Dr. Brown sighed, shaking her head. "Oh my, you've gotten us into a lot of trouble in the future, I can promise you that. And heavens!" She slapped herself on the head. "The specialist is on his way now! You know, the one you requested to exchange notes?"

"Don't worry." Dr. Smith put a firm hand in her shoulder. "Nothing is going to happen, except scientific advancements."

Dr. Brown didn't look too convinced, but at that moment, they heard a sound from the fish tank. "Ugh…" the specimen groaned, a few bubbles leaving his mouth.

"He's waking up!" Dr. Smith enthused, practically bouncing up and down in excitement.

Namor pressed one arm against the glass weakly, as if to steady himself while he rubbed his eyes with the opposite hand. Those eyes were sea green, and his eyebrows were as delicate as a female model's, and far more lofty. But from the looks of his muscles, he was strong.

Dr. Brown walked up to the glass, unable to keep the delighted grin off his face, even if he'd wanted to. He heard his lab partner take a few cautious steps. He gazed at his specimen, and suddenly, that specimen jerked his head up to look at him. Their eyes met, and the look of alarm on Namor's eyes would've been priceless, if Dr. Brown had been doing this for any reasons other than 100% science. Namor threw both fists against the glass, and started shouting. His voice sounded garbled out here by the water and the glass, but he had Atlantean vocal chords that were made for such a thing, and they could definitely understand him.

"Where am I? I demand you release me at once! Do you know who I am? I am King Namor the Sub-Mariner, ruler of Atlantis! Release me now, you surface-dwelling imbeciles, or I promise you, you will wish your mothers had never lived to bear you!"

Dr. Brown let out a moan, but Dr. Smith was interested. "Yes? And how precisely does your Atlantean government function? How is it organized?"

Namor kicked hard against the glass. "That is none of your concern, you fool." He threw another punch. He was pretty sprightly, for having so recently woken up from the tranquilizer.

"I'm afraid that's not going to work," Dr. Smith informed him. "We buy our equipment from S.H.I.E.L.D. — only the best. That glass is actually made from a translucent alloy that would hold the Hulk."

Namor glared at him, then stopped punching. "What do you want with me?"

"That is none of your business," Dr. Smith replied. He couldn't tell him this was for science; he had to see how the specimen would behave in a natural environment. "Now relax, little fish. You're going to be here for a while."

Namor gazed at him sullenly for a second. Then he flew into a rage, slamming his limbs again against the glass. _Not very smart_ , Dr. Smith mentally noted. "I am not a fish!" Namor shouted. "I'm a king! King of a nation much more powerful than your own! Hear my words, surface-dweller, on this day, with my imprisonment, you have declared war on Atlantis! I will take this up with your government -- and if you are with your government, so much the worse for you. We will kill your men, take your women, and enslave your children!"

Dr. Brown choked quietly. "I thought you were supposed to be a superhero!"

Dr. Smith spoke up louder. "That's what you'll do? How interesting. Atlantis is at such an early stage, I see — you sound like you're from the Middle Ages. Sexist."

"Of course it's not!" Namor protested. "And I have several female bodyguards, in fact; I know women can fight, perhaps even almost as well as some great men. In fact, I prefer my women to have strength. But that's none of your concern, if Atlantean women are what you're seriously after."

"So… you just like women, is that it?" Dr. Smith nodded. He was totally doing scientific research. "How many sexual partners do you have, or approximately how many do you go through in a week?"

"I will not grace that with an answer, you imbecile," Namor seethed, but obviously he was blushing in embarrassment.

Dr. Brown cleared her throat. "Smith, I read lately in a gossip magazine that Namor has been trying yet _again_ to put the moves on the X-men's Emma Frost. And you're probably aware he's had a thing for Invisible Woman since forever. And by the way, Mr. Namor, both those ladies are among the most powerful heroes alive."

Namor scowled. "All this talk about my women seems irrelevant to this situation!"

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Yes?" said Dr. Smith, and one of the guards opened the door for a man dressed all in white, including the face. His style was actually chic, all the way down to his mask and his… lab coat. Of course. Lab coat.

"Hello," the man burst in with a flourish and a thick French accent. "I am Dr. Cluster, the man you called for. Pleasure to meet you." His eyes went to the fish tank, they widened, and he walked straight up to it, placing one hand on the glass. "Oh wow," he whispered.

"Yes," Dr. Smith smiled anxiously. "It is quite a feat."

"Definitely," Dr. Cluster agreed, his eyes a little wide through the hole in his mask. "Congratulations."

"I will get you for for this, Jean-Phillipe," Namor glared.

"You've gotten yourself into a pickle, haven't you, Namor," Dr. Cluster replied, shaking his head, the corners of his mouth twitching in a suppressed smile. Presently he looked away and gave into a bout of laughter. "I'm sorry, I don't normally get like this, but how the mighty are brought low, _non_?"

Suddenly the two local doctors' eyes widened with a sudden realization. "You're both X-Men!" Dr. Smith cried.

" _Oui_ ," Dr. Cluster shrugged. "You may call me Fantomex. But I'm not going to mention this to Logan. Even apart from how hilarious this is... I agreed to work with you here, and I do not break my word."

"I told you something like this would happen!" Dr. Brown yelled at Dr. Smith.

"And I told you don't worry!" Dr. Smith shouted back. He looked at Jean-Phillipe. "I'm sorry, but I cannot allow you to leave this facility."

"Don't worry, I won't rat you out," Jean-Phillipe protested. "Of course I can understand the value of a good experiment. My question is, why did you pick a half Atlantean who is also a mutant? Wouldn't it have been more educational to examine a full one who's not a mutant, no?"

"Traitor!" Namor shouted.

"Oh, please, will you shut up?" Jean-Phillipe requested, then turned back to smile through his mask at Dr.'s Smith and Brown. Of course, he had a plan.

He was going to get Namor out of here, avoid open war with Atlantis, and hopefully not kill all the scientists in the building. He could totally do that. Because he was Fantomex!

_To not be continued..._


End file.
